Love's Real Stories

Mr. Carpang pointed the gun to his temple and flicked his thumb, then jerked his head sideways in the classic blow-your-brains-out gesture, with his eyeballs rolling and his tongue lolling. The “gun” was his forefinger and the suicide pantomime was his response to the question “What was your experience like in buying a short sale?”

Mr. Carpang and his wife were interviewed as part of the Short Sale Survivors Series, exploring real-life examples of what is commonly referred to as the “short sale nightmare.”

Mrs. Carpang said “Giving birth to my babies was like a walk in the park compared to what we just went through!” Ironically, the Carpang’s purchase was nine months long.

Mr. Carpang began a thoughtful and detailed description of their experience. That is to say, he launched into a tirade which included some foaming at the mouth and quite a bit of arm-waving. He showered the room with expletives, sarcasms, and even a few dangling participles. His exhortations gathered force and whipped through the room like a tornado of bitter words. When he began using really bad language like “asset managers”, and “loan-lock deadlines”, he was asked to kindly pause in his pronouncements.

Reading between the lines, the following was pieced together:

August 2010: Offer made. The Carpangs’ offer of $290,000 is accepted by a seller who owes $395,000 against his house. The Carpangs’ Realtor warns them about getting involved. “She told us short sales can be painful,” said Mr. Carpang, “but we were so naïve back then.”

September 2010: The sale is in limbo. B of A refuses to hint at whether they’ll accept a short payoff, but orders their own appraisal to substantiate the sales price.

October 2010: Nothing. “Nada,” said Mr. Carpang, “Everyone’s calling, emailing and faxing these people, these ‘Asset Managers’ (Mr. Carpang used a more colorful descriptive term), and they ignore, ignore, ignore!”

November 2010: Still nothing. “I wanted out!” said Mr. Carpang. ”But,” said Mrs. Carpang, “this house had everything we wanted.” Mr. Carpang threw his head back and flung his arms up in apparent agreement.

December 2010: Forced resolve. “I guess the bank needed a holiday after all that hard work,” said Mr. Carpang. His calm resignation was demonstrated by his staring eyes and the teeth-clenching grin of a madman.

February 2011: B of A rejects the short sale. The Carpang’s Realtor goes into hyper-mode and somehow manages to overwhelm B of A with facts and data, and sweat and tears, keeping the deal alive.

March 2011: B of A approves the short sale, but only at a higher price- $325,000. The Carpangs are “beaten and weary,” but decide to stay in the game, and begin their purchase financing arrangements.

April 2011: New appraisal. The Carpangs’ purchase financing appraisal comes in low, at $310,000. The Carpangs can’t get a loan if B of A won’t agree to the lower price. Oddly, B of A agrees.

May 2011: The Closing. The sale closes at $310,000.

June 2011: The big question. Was it worth it? “Yes, oh yes, I love my home,” said Mrs. Carpang.” And Mr. Carpang ? “Oh yeah,” he said. But his head was shaking back and forth as he said it, and he had those staring eyes and that teeth-clenching grin.