Gifted

by Doug Love

There came a knock upon Ryan’s door. He and his fiancée, Sylvia, looked at each other in a mixture of perplexity and alarm.

Ryan told me later, “Nobody knocks on the door. Our friends call or text before they just show up at the door, you know what I mean?”

Ryan and Sylvia lived in an apartment building at the time, on the second floor.

Sylvia answered the door.

“There was this guy wearing a tie standing in the hallway with some papers in his hand,” she said. “He mumbled something about buying a house, and I’m like, ‘He must be at the wrong place’, right?”

The guy was a Realtor and he was prospecting for apartment dwellers who might be interested in owning a home instead of renting.

“The dude talked about the FHA loan program, and before you know it, he has us in his car showing us houses,” said Ryan, “Buying a house was like the furthest thing from our minds. We found one we loved, though, and went for it.”

The Realtor took Ryan and Sylvia to see a lender, who informed them they did indeed qualify for an FHA loan. The only catch was they needed cash for a down payment.

“We didn’t have any money, right?” said Ryan, “But the lender told us that FHA allows ‘gift funds’ for down payment money. Like from family members, you know?”

That’s where Ryan’s grandpa came in.

“I hit up my grandpa for six thousand dollars,” said Ryan. “My grandpa said: ‘Considering your customary rate of pay, I should be paid off in, let’s see…….. six thousand years.’”

Actually, Ryan’s grandpa won’t receive anything at all in return, at least as far as the Federal Government is concerned, because FHA required him to sign a statement swearing the money is a gift and he expects no repayment, under penalty of perjury and statute of fraud.

“Ryan’s grandpa is a sweetheart,” said Sylvia, “and now we like, own a house!”

Ryan said, “My grandpa said to me: ‘It has to be a gift, huh? I guess I get repaid with your good looks and a song?’ Then he says: ‘I sure wish you were better looking and could sing worth a darn.’”