The Czar

I could have saved us all millions of dollars if I had been appointed the Real Estate Czar of the United States, if only there really was such a position as the Real Estate Czar of the United States (RECUS).

If I were RECUS, I would be in charge of all the banks and I would compel them to handle their foreclosures and short sales the right way, instead of their way, which is inept and idiotic, and causes people to shake their heads, pull their hair out, and blow their tops.

The President of the United States (POTUS) should have appointed me RECUS when it was needed the most, back in 2006 when the housing bubble burst and the Great Recession was on the horizon.

My first act as RECUS would have been to notify every bank that I am in charge of all sales; that I have direct access to POTUS and therefore, all bank bailout funds. Then I would have issued the following directive:

“RECUS’ New Short Sale and Foreclosure Rules”

  • Banks may no longer refuse a short sale for no good reason. If in RECUS’s opinion, the seller has a legitimate hardship necessitating a short sale, and the price offered by the buyer is Fair Market Value, the bank must approve the sale.
    For every short sale refusal for no good reason, RECUS will direct POTUS to subtract $10,000,000 from the bank’s bailout money (BOM).
  • Banks may no longer demand 40 pounds of paperwork to be submitted “for the bank’s sole perusal in settling the aforementioned sale” and then claim “non-receipt of the aforementioned documentation”.
    For every pound of paper required by the bank over one single pound, RECUS will direct POTUS to subtract $10,000,000 from the bank’s BOM.
    Additionally, the bank will be charged $1,000,000 for every use of the word “aforementioned” more than once.
  • Banks may no longer refuse a short sale, then foreclose on the property, and subsequently sell the property for less than the short sale price the bank had in hand in the first place. For every dollar less than the original offered price the bank accepts, RECUS will direct POTUS to subtract $10,000,000 from the bank’s BOM.
    Additionally, if the property deteriorates during the bank’s ownership after foreclosing, $10,000,000 will be subtracted from the bank’s BOM for every dollar needed to bring the property back to the same condition in which the bank received it.

Actually, I wouldn’t have saved us millions; make that billions.