Love's Real Stories

“That was really, really, scary,” said Janice.

“We could’ve been killed,” said Mark.

Janice and Mark were referring to the recent incident wherein a massive bull had charged the three of us in a pasture behind a ranch house they were considering buying.

“The place has bad vibes. Really, really, bad vibes,” said Janice as we drove away. She pulled bits of weeds from her hair with shaking hands.

We were now back on the road, after a break to settle the adrenalin rush, on our way to see another property I thought might be a good candidate for them to buy.

I pulled off the main road into a quiet tree-shaded country cul-de-sac, and up the driveway of a Tudor-style cottage home with a brick and stucco exterior, high-pitched tile roof, and tall mullioned windows.

Inside were high ceilings, tile floors, and plush bedroom carpets. At the conclusion of our inside tour, Janice stood in the center of the Great-Room. Shafts of sunlight highlighted the wood-paneled walls and brick fireplace.

“This place has a great feel,” she said. “I really, really like it. But we better go look out back.”

Mark was already in the large back yard, surveying the nearby properties for their bull population, no doubt. Although the place was adjoined by country property to the rear, none appeared to contain any livestock, and the homes on either side were of the residential non-bull type as well.

“Nice place,” said Mark.

“Oh, look,” said Janice, “what a cute dog. And not even barking at strangers.”

A Springer-spaniel in the yard of the next-door property rested his nose on the lower bar of the split rail side fence wagging his tail and his entire hind end, watching us with droopy brown eyes.

“Springers are sweet dogs,” I said as I walked over to the fence.

The Springer’s head shot forth through the split rail fence like a rattlesnake. He sunk his teeth into my ankle and ripped my pants as I pulled my leg away.

As we drove away Janice said, “Bad vibes, bad vibes again!”

Back at the office my mentor, the wily old KDV asked, “Did you find a property for that couple who were chased by the bull?”

“I thought so,” I said, “but it turned out to be a dog.”

Spring sunshine floated down through the sycamores and oaks and splashed upon the country lane, spreading dappled shades of yellow and green across the graveled surface. In the fields on either side, cows munched new spring grass, and calves hopped and bucked about the pasture.

My passengers, buyer clients Mark and Janice, sat smiling in a dreamy way. Janice said softly, “This place has good vibes.”

We rolled to a stop, stepped out of the car and drank in the air, a heady fragrance of almond blossoms, tilled earth, and a light bovine bouquet from barns and pastures.

Janice took Mark’s hand and they strolled onto the long covered porch of the 1930’s ranch house. From its front-door oval window and glass door knob, to its stone hearth and hardwood floors, the place inspired confidence in its stability and structure.

“They kept it in good shape,” said Mark.

“It’s beautiful,” said Janice.

Sensing a sale, I had an urge to recite the list of amenities included, like the new forced air system, the R-30 attic insulation and the updated electrical panel. But the voice of my wise old mentor KDV came to mind: “Never miss a chance to shut up, my brother. Give your buyer some room. Let the magic happen, babe.”

I meandered into the neighboring pasture alone to give Mark and Janice some space. They eventually joined me, smiling hand-in-hand. Mark said, “We’ve decided we want to make an off…….” He froze. The ground rumbled. I turned around and caught sight of a streaking mountain of quivering bull-flesh thundering toward us. Mark and Janice went one way, and I went the other, each of us diving through strands of barbed wire as the bull stomped and spun in our tracks, cross-eyed and crazy.

In the sanctuary of the car, Janice said, “That was a bad sign. I can’t raise my kids in vibes like that.”

“Let’s get out of here,” said Mark.

Back at the office, KDV said, “Did you make the sale, bro?”

I shook my head slowly.

“I’m surprised,” he said. “It sounded perfect for your people, and the write-up on the place was impressive.”

“Yeah,” I said, “but it turned out to be a whole lot of bull.”