Love's Real Stories

Answering all the real estate questions you never knew you had.

No Conflict

In the aftermath of the column I wrote about my buddy Brino, the ace Contractor, mandolin-playing, instrument-building, member of the band, great guy, with whom I claimed to be in conflict; I received a lot of feedback from the readers of this fine paper. The overall slant of the feedback is that the readers do not seem to think my job in Real Estate is as big a deal as I make it out to be. That I, in fact, come off as a whiner.

I’m thinking I’ve written one too many columns about my self-perceived, self-important plight of going to work every day throughout this Covid-19 pandemic, locked in my office in a darkened building, on a mission to heroically guide the Essential Business of Real Estate through these turbulent and troubled times, while other people, namely my Buddy Brino, are sheltering in place, comfortably watching the movies of their choice. In that last column, I portrayed Brino as some lazy slacker, and me as the only guy who ever had to go to work.

One lady, Donna, left me a voice mail, pretty much telling me I’m blowing things out of proportion: “Thanks for all the information about the Real Estate market. It is evident you’re tied up all the time, dealing with all those complicated forms and contracts you keep hollering about. Hard times for you, I guess. But my daughter and son-in-law just bought a house, and it wasn’t hard at all. Their Real Estate agent took them to the house, they walked around, wrote an offer, and bought it. Not all that complicated. The only difference in the whole thing is that they wore face masks. Not as bad as you tell it. Anyway, don’t work too hard.”

A comment by a Realtor friend of mine went along the same lines as Donna’s voice mail. He said, “Dude, by the gist of your columns you write in the paper, you would think you’re in some secret undisclosed location working for the FBI on top-secret files. Or in some laboratory somewhere curing cancer. Hey, it’s just Real Estate, right? You ought to lighten up a little.”

Another guy, Bob, left a soft-spoken voice mail, which was very complimentary, but I think he perceived me to be fragile because of all my whining. He said, “I just wanna comment on your articles you have in the E-R on Fridays. I appreciate your efforts.  Hey, are you gonna be able to keep it up? You hang in there. Okay? I wanna wish you a happy day.”

In that column about Brino, I wrote, “If Brino would put down the mandolin long enough to listen, and pull his eyes away from his home movie screen long enough to focus, I would show him the picture of the Real Estate business and tell him about my job.” 

See, I made Brino out to be some guy who sits around on his couch all day playing his mandolin and watching the movies of his choice. Now, maybe he has done that during this pandemic. But he also works hard, has always worked hard, has earned a life of semi-retirement and still goes out and helps people with projects, bids jobs, does jobs, and has a sterling reputation as an all-around excellent human being. He’s also a great musician and makes beautiful musical instruments. And he plays lots of instruments, too, not just the mandolin. Like I said in that last column, I should hate him.

Brino left me a sarcastic voice mail the day after the column appeared in the paper: “Hey, Doug, I’m putting down my mandolin long enough to call you. Call me back.”

I did call him back, and my buddy Brino hit me with his sense of humor. He can take a joke. But he also zinged me for zinging him.

The truth is in an email I received from another reader, Mrs. Albert, who wrote, “That was a good one about your conflict with that mandolin playing friend of yours. But you sound like you need a vacation.” 

She went on to talk about her friends from Paradise who are looking for homes in Nevada. Then she said:

“Another thing about that column and your friend. You’re just jealous.”

Zing.

 

Corona Conflict

I have a conflict with my music-playing buddy, Brino, a band-member. It’s a conflict caused by the Coronavirus.

Brino is a long-time Contractor and a hard-working son-of-a-gun. He’s a front-line hero in a crisis, and he’s always been there to help people in their time of need. You should have seen him after the Camp Fire jump into construction mode and provide housing for family and friends. For free.

But, see, Brino is situated in his life where he can shelter in place, as required, and survive on his own dime, as a result of a lifetime of hard work. 

So, lately he emails me videos and he texts me suggestions for movies to watch. He sent me a link to a website full of old classic Humphrey Bogart movies and lots of foreign films with subtitles.

“Oh, man,” he says, “those old foreign films are great. Check ‘em out, man, I think you’d really like ‘em. I turn those movies on, and I sit and play my mandolin. I don’t need to listen much, because it’s mostly subtitles, or classics I know anyway.” 

Therein lies the conflict. My life right now is not sheltering in place, watching movies of my choice, keeping up my musical chops. I wish.

My life? I’m crazy busy with Real Estate, despite the Coronavirus shut down. I’ve been at work every day throughout this pandemic event, figuring out how we’re supposed to operate with Buyers and Sellers in a world of social-distancing and constant sanitizing. 

To give Brino some consideration here, I also told him I’m mostly by myself all day in a two-story darkened office building with only a handful of people around. So, I can understand how he might think, “Hey, if you’re in a darkened building all day, and no one is around, how in the world could you be busy at all, much less crazy busy?”

If he would put down the mandolin long enough to listen, and pull his eyes away from his home movie screen long enough to focus, I would show him the picture of the Real Estate business and tell him about my job. 

“Hey, Brino,” I would say, “we’ve been declared an Essential Business under the Governor’s Stay-at-Home Order, so we are working hard, even though we are staying apart. We’ve built new rules on how we’re supposed to do this job of Real Estate, like:

One) We wrote up a 30-page Best Practices Guidelines for Real Estate which calls for working electronically only, if possible, showing a property to a Buyer by video through Zoom or Facetime. But if a Seller agrees to allow a Buyer to come to their house for a real-life showing, the Best Practices advise the use of protective gear, allow no more than three people in a house at the same time, specify the six-feet rule of social distancing, and require Buyers to view the property online first and sign forms declaring they are not sick, have no fever, and have not associated with sick people within 14 days.

Two) We made contract forms that Sellers and Buyers sign before a Buyer enters a home. Sellers are to sanitize the property after the Buyer goes through. No joke, and we take it seriously. Listing Agents provide a welcome basket in the home for Buyers, with face masks, rubber gloves, hand sanitizer, antiseptic wipes, and plastic booties.

Three) Every property showing and sale is approached with extreme caution. We micro-manage every step of every client, inspector, appraiser, repair person, until close.

The result is, we are still doing business- very carefully- and we can’t miss a detail. We must keep everyone healthy and safe. This is serious stuff.

So, I’m working. Every day. All day. But really, no conflict with Brino. He is the greatest guy. I love him. Besides being the best Contractor you could call, he builds musical instruments and plays them like a pro. Any conflict between us is more like a difference in the Coronavirus lifestyle. He gets to hang out more than I do. A lot more. I should hate him. Do I sound jealous?

Don’t get me wrong. I love my work, no matter how crazy busy. And I’m not exactly a first-responder, healthcare worker, or grocery store worker, the true heroes of this pandemic. I’m lucky to be working at all through this shut-down.

But one of these days, when things settle down, I’ll take my turn. I’ll click on that movie website link Brino sent me. I’ll watch Treasure of the Sierra Madre while playing Deep River Blues on my guitar. Sitting on my couch. 

 

Hometown

“So, what about Paradise?” said my friend, Kurt. “With all this Coronavirus stuff going on, I hope people haven’t forgotten about Paradise.” Kurt, born and raised in Paradise, lost his house and business in the Camp Fire. He moved to Arizona, and says he and his family would consider coming back “if there is ever a town of Paradise to come back to.” He likes to say, “If they build it, we will come” and “Let us know when the sap is rising.”

“Forgotten?” I said, “No way. But, poor Paradise, here we go again!”

“Yeah,” he said, “I heard businesses were just getting ready to open and everything. Like maybe the sap was rising after all. And now everything is shut down everywhere. My wife is a germaphobe anyway. Now she wears a hazmat suit 24 hours a day. She won’t go anywhere. I suspect she burns my clothes after I go shopping.”

“Weird times,” I said.

“No kidding,” said Kurt. “I’m afraid to scratch my own nose, and I dream about rolls of toilet paper.”

“Ha!” I said. “I’ve washed my hands more times in the last month than I have my whole life!”

“I do miss my old hometown,” said Kurt. “My eight-year-old son runs around singing, ‘That town will make you crazy, crazy as a loon.’ Cracks me up. I had no idea the kid heard the stuff I play on my speakers out in the garage, much less retained it.” He paused then said, “Little pitchers have big ears.”

“Wait!” I said. “You’re quoting John Prine songs, right?”

“You bet!” he said, “Are you a Prine fan, too?”

“Yep! I love that song your kid is singing, ‘Crazy as a Loon’,” I said.

“I think ‘Paradise’ is my favorite,” said Kurt. “The song is about another town named Paradise, a town in Kentucky where Prine’s family lived, and it got wiped out, too. The difference is Paradise, Kentucky never came back.”

Kurt sang a few lines of John Prine’s ‘Paradise’. He croaked out a pretty good version of that catchy tune and catchy lyrics, including a decent inflection of Prine’s scratchy nasal twang.

Kurt said, “I can’t believe Prine died from the Coronavirus. I’m in mourning.”

“A lotta heartbroken people out there,” I said, “including me. He was a treasure.”

“I read a quote,” said Kurt. “Prine said, ‘If I can make myself laugh about something I should be crying about, that’s pretty good.’”

“Pretty good words for right now,” I said.

He paused, then said, “Anyway, is it Deadsville in Paradise right now?”

“I’m heading up there tomorrow,” I said. “We leased a space for our Paradise Real Estate office right up the road from the one that burned down, and we’re gearing up for helping any way we can in the rebuild of that town.”

The next day, I went up to Paradise from Chico. I hadn’t been there since right after the first of the year.

Paradise is not Deadsville. The main drag, the Skyway, was buzzing with steady traffic, eighty percent trucks. Trucks with trailers, lumber racks, Concrete rigs, flatbeds loaded with building materials stacked high and strapped down. I cruised the side roads and didn’t go far in any direction without seeing new construction. A foundation formed here, a house framed there, a lot graded there. Lumber stacks piled along the roadside, fresh and clean.

I called Kurt from my cell phone. I stood beside the Skyway in front of our new Real Estate office.

“Hey, Kurt,” I yelled into the phone over the traffic noise, “the sap is rising!”

“Well, okay then,” said Kurt. “If they build it, we will come!”

“Hey,” said Kurt, “my wife and I have a new favorite John Prine song, ‘My Darlin’ Hometown.” She cries every time we listen.”

Kurt croaked out a few lines of the song:

“I’m lost and I wish I were found/ In the arms of my darlin’ hometown.”

Pretty good words for right now.

Hello in There

John Prine wrote these lyrics in the last verse of his song, “Hello in There”:

“So, if you’re walking down the street sometime, and spot some hollow ancient eyes; please don’t just pass ‘em by and stare, as if you didn’t care. Say, ‘Hello in there, hello.’”

In these Coronavirus days you must be careful how you say, “Hello in there.” Don’t lean in any closer than six feet!

A good sentiment by Mr. Prine, however. It’s good to check in on people. Especially with everyone in some form of lockdown because of the hated Coronavirus, Covid-19.

There are a lot of reasons to hate the Coronavirus. A big reason for me right now, and millions of other people, is that the virus took John Prine. Iconic American songwriter and performer, Prine gets the nod from all the Greats in the music world as a Master. The Greats love the man and they sing his quirky, funny, sentimental songs. He was 73 years old with a busy touring schedule.

I leaned in closer than six feet to a lady who was driving her wobbly shopping cart down the parking lot of Raley’s the other day. The cart was piled abnormally high with goods, and she was out of balance, burdened by a couple of purse-like bags dangling on straps from her shoulders. As I passed her, a plastic bag fell off her cart and hit the pavement. A clear-topped container holding a rotisserie chicken spilled halfway out of the bag. The lady was in a helpless position, gripping her cart which would roll away downhill if she were to let go. I instinctively took the few steps to the bag and picked it up for her, instantly realizing I had breached the social-distancing zone. I held it up in an offering gesture, apologizing for intruding into her space.

The lady’s eyes widened above her face mask and she leaned back from me, in apparent horror. She snatched the bag from my hand with her gloved hand and wobbled quickly away down the parking lot.

“It’s a different world right now,” said Bruce, a retired buddy of mine, who called to check in on me. “You must be hanging out at the homestead, doing nothing, like everybody else.”

“Far from it,” I said, “I’m busy every day trying to stay on top of the crazy Real Estate world. We have new Coronavirus Advisory forms people need to sign, and we’re finding new ways to do this business electronically, so people keep the density down and social-distancing up.”

“But no one is buying right now,” said Bruce.

“Surprisingly, there’s an amazing amount of stuff going on,” I said. “Buyers still want to buy, and Sellers want to sell. We’re figuring out how that gets done.’

“Yeah right,” said Bruce. “Everybody’s freaked out and staying home.”

“You’d be surprised,” I said.

“Okay,” said Bruce, “surprise me. What gives?”

“Hang on,” I said. I had spotted one of our Agents, a twenty-year veteran at her desk in the gloom of our darkened office. I stood at least 8 feet away from her with my mask and gloves on and asked her what she sees out there.

“I just wrote an all-cash offer on a house in the $900,000’s that came on the market three days ago. We were beat out by another all-cash Buyer who pushed the price up to $1,000,000.”

“Holy cow,” I said.

“And I wrote an offer for another Buyer today on a house in the $500,000’s, all cash,” she said. “Somebody pushed the price above asking and my Buyer lost out on that one, too. It’s still crazy out there. We need more Listings!”

I reported the news to Bruce. He said, “Oh. Hmm. Well, anyway, did you hear John Prine is sick with the Coronavirus? Such a bummer.”

That was day before yesterday. Last night the news came down that John Prine passed away. My house speakers and my truck speakers have been all John Prine ever since.

One old song of his, “We are the Lonely” speaks in its refrain, to our current time: “We are the lonely, all together. All together we’re all alone.”

RIP John Prine. Thanks for everything.

Letter to a Quarantined Mother

Dearest Mother,

How weird that after all these years, we now have you sequestered away, alone in your little box, unavailable for visits by your loving family. You, at 95 years old now, mother of three, grandmother of eight, great-grandmother of a handful. You, the one who never misses any family get-together, or any chance to hang out with your off-spring and their friends, and your friends, and the world at large. 

Weird, but here we are in the Coronavirus World. 

To say you are sequestered in your little box is unkind. You have a great place. Small, maybe, but hey, your cute little brown-shingle Bay Area house has it all. And the neighborhood is great. You are the first to say that you are “one lucky old lady” and we get that. Sister of mine and grandkids of yours are all within minutes, if not seconds, of your front door.

But right now, nobody, absolutely nobody, can come or go through your front door. Well, you can. But just for your little walks around the neighborhood with your facemask and gloves on, keeping your social-distancing abilities intact, waving and smiling to the neighbors who cross the street to avoid you and to avoid breaking the Coronavirus Rules. 

And your Queenly greetings from your funny second-story doll-house deck, waving and toasting, lifting the drink in your hand. Your adoring family, friends and neighbors, down in the street, waving and toasting back to you. No words are spoken to speak of, because you can’t hear worth a hoot anyway, right? It’s a party, regardless.

How’s my Real Estate life up here in the North Valley? Weird, too. Like you, I am sequestered in my little box. Unlike you, my little box does not have it all. But not too bad. A desk. A phone. A computer. It’s an upstairs office in a big bright building which usually has 50 to 100 people buzzing around inside. It is now 99% dark. It’s quiet. It matters not how well one can hear. Everyone is sequestered away in their own boxes, little or big. No worries. I am slathered in Hand Sanitizer. I hug my bottle of Antiseptic Wipes.

But I have Zoom! Zoom is the great new trick! THE online gathering place. Because of Zoom, I’m face-to-face with more people, more often, than I ever have been. You’ve tried Zoom. Yes, I heard. My brother told me he put you on a Zoom call. Seeing brother and his wife was great, and on Zoom they were right there on your computer screen in living color. But, alas, you couldn’t hear. Bummer.

Anyway, how’s the Real Estate life in the North Valley, you ask. Amazingly, we continue to operate. Homes can be shown Virtually. Meaning online. They can be Zoomed! They can be videoed! They can be FaceTimed! 

An offer is typed up by a Realtor and emailed to a Buyer who signs it by clicking the keys on their keyboard. The signed offer is then sent to the Seller who follows suit on their own keyboard. Nobody leaves their box. Realtors and Buyers and Sellers can see each other, talk to each other, look at property in the Virtual World, and do business.

Dearest Mother, from 1924 to 2020, you’ve seen more than most. You made it through World War II. Now it’s Covid-19. How weird, that after all these years, we have you sequestered away in your little box. But we can’t risk losing you. 

Precious jewels are kept in little boxes.

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